Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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