I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
