Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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