R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
