she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
