im holly from the hills drunk
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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