its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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