Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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