are you still at the devil's house?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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