can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
