Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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