Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
