I'm jealous of your bromance
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
