I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
