When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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