im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
