i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
