Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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