I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
