please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
