We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
