your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
