literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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