i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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