I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
