brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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