I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
