i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
