my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
