This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
