so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
