Cold hands, warm shart.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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