Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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