If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
