Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
