You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
