I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
