I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
