Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
