You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
