wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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