I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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