On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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