I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Come see our sink grown plant.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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