Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
