Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just had sex on a roof
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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