I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
