Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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