Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
