maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
