That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
