Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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