I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
